We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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