I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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