Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
