i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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