I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
