apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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