i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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