I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
