its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
