if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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