How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
