Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize