We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
