It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My vagina is officially offended.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
