Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
