Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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