Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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