Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.