im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.