Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I love you. Go after that dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts