Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.