This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.