cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize