He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
