theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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