I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
