just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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