i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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