I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
