I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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