I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
