So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
