he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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