uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
