Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
