I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
