What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
false alarm, still single
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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