i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
