dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
