I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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