actually, I'm a sock model
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
