Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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