Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
