Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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