I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
not ubering you a puppy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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