yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think my moral compass just broke
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
