Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I supernannyed him into submission
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
