I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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