he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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