you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
