garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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