just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
