You're so nebulous sometimes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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