You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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