You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
