Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
