Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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