we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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