Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
