Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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