i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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