I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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