My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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