He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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