Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
